I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
