I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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