i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
