K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
