last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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