I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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