Screwed.edu
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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