I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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