the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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