i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
