It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
