Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
