i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize