Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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