Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
