That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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