yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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