just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
