Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
