Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
