clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
