I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
