Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
