He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
