I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
