Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Barsexuality is the new black.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I believe in your delicious
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
