I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's shark week go big or go home
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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