cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
