I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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