Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
