worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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