ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
