New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
