we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
