Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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