My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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