the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
