Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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