I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize