you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
