I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
