I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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