No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My vagina is officially offended.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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