I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
