Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
