I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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