she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh god it's open bar.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
