Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
