dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My vagina is very pro this idea
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
