i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
