I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
