what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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