yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
