I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
