Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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