I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
