Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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