I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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