Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
