It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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