So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
