she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
