If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
