I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
