there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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