she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
