i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
