Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
