This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
