well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
