I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
