If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
