As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
