I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
